More than two decades after her affair with then-San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, former aide Ruby Rippey has shared a deeply personal account of the relationship and its lasting impact on her life in a new essay published by Vanity Fair.

Rippey, who served as Newsom’s appointments secretary, writes that the affair began in 2005 while she was married to Alex Tourk, one of Newsom’s closest political advisers. The relationship became public in 2007, prompting Tourk’s resignation and Newsom’s public apology. At the time, Newsom acknowledged the affair and later sought treatment for alcohol abuse.

In her essay, Rippey describes the affair as occurring during a period when she was struggling with alcoholism, new motherhood, and personal turmoil. She writes that the relationship was driven less by romance than by the intoxicating pull of power, attention, and her own addiction.

While Rippey accepts responsibility for her actions, she also reflects on the imbalance of power between a public official and a subordinate. “Both things are true,” she writes. “I am responsible for what I did. Power does not distribute consequences evenly.”

Despite revisiting the painful chapter, Rippey makes clear she does not consider herself a victim. Instead, she focuses on how the experience ultimately led her to seek treatment and rebuild her life. Now 20 years sober, remarried, and raising a family, she says the scandal became the catalyst for lasting personal change.

Newsom’s office declined to comment beyond noting that the governor publicly apologized for the affair years ago and has since focused on his family and public service.

Rippey concludes her essay with a message of forgiveness and gratitude, writing that while the damage was hers to own, so too is the life she has rebuilt. “Resentment is a luxury I can’t afford,” she writes, choosing instead to focus on recovery, growth, and the future.